Ginny Anderson is pastor at Friedens U.C.C., Syracuse, NY
I have Myasthenia Gravis (MG), my roommate has Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and Josh, the kid in our household, has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Also in our little cape cod house is a collie with anger management problems (MADD), a Bichon Frise (little fuzzy dog) with three legs due to cancer (CA), and a fourteen year old cat with no diagnostic letters except (BOSS). Welcome to the Alphabet Family!
None related, two are longtime friends, one is a kid. Two are over 65, one is 11. One has two masters’ degrees, one a high school degree, one struggles to get through sixth grade. How we came to be a family is we just did.
Josh came to live with us when he was in first grade because he could no longer function in a family with overwhelming problems. He is of normal intelligence but suffers from a mild form of autism, some developmental delays, severe depressive episodes, and emotional problems related to attachment disorder.
Add to Josh’s multiple problems two over sixty-fives with alphabet attachments plus the usual joys of aging and raising children today in general, and you have a challenge!
Josh is a professional level manipulator. He can catalogue all of our belongings and their places of residence, a mixed blessing for two “olders” dealing with “senior moments.” Mr. “Charming” alternates with “Attilla the Hun” when his every wish is not our command or we interrupt an obsession. His obsessions are many and frightening. Boundaries are nonexistent to Josh. Much of the time he is sad, angry at his limitations, and sensitive to the fact that he is different. He is learning to control a temper that flares into violence occasionally.
On the up side Josh is a “sponge” learner, never forgetting anything or anyone. He is loyal to his friends, family, and his ideals. He can be “rolling on floor funny,” massively affectionate, and sing his heart out. Unlike most children in the autistic spectrum he is very social.
Josh has rescued us from the boredom of bridge, golf, and the endless worry about arthritis and long term care plans. Instead we read about child development, history, and anything else he is interested in. Disney movies, children’s museums, etc, are more fun than AARP planned travel anyway.
Josh is loved and accepted by the exceptional congregation I serve in Syracuse. He is accepted for who he is just as the rest of us are. In another year, he will be confirmed there. They understand our problems and love us anyway.
The impact that Josh has had on my ministry is considerable. Raising a child has changed my perspective about many things. I did not become a full time parent until I was over sixty. I have a greater empathy and understanding of people raising children. I have become an advocate for persons with mental illnesses and other disabilities. My own physical disability has taught me patience and understanding of the problems of others. Once a perfectionist, now a parent with a disability raising a child with a disability, I have given perfectionism up permanently. This also gives others permission to be who they are.
Josh is on an incredible faith journey of his own. He listens to my sermons (really) and we discuss them. Every Sunday on the way home he asks to stop at his special place along the Erie Canal where he likes to spend time “talking to God.” When I am not working, we go to a Friends Meeting (I am UCC/Quaker.) There in the silence it is the custom of parents to sit and hold their children or for older ones to put a loving arm around them. Josh loves this special time together.
What is the glue that holds us together? It is our faith, a wonderful church fellowship, friends and neighbors, and good mental health and school systems. We also sing a lot, drum together, and try to laugh when we are not crying or screaming.
I love my little Alphabet Family. They enrich my life and my ministry. Chicken broth may be good for us at our age, but Alphabet Soup is a lot more interesting.
From UCC DM Newsletter Archive
