Humiliation is as stealthy and subtle as dust entering a house. It comes from outside a Person with Disabilities (PWD). However, attitudinal humiliation from others experienced in a fragile moment can turn inward. As self-humiliation, it clogs the spirit with life-defeating feelings of shame, failure, lack of dignity, and shaky self-worth or self-respect.
Until sight deteriorated, I did not consider the frustration of a member’s wanting to be at church functions, yet seeing too poorly to drive – or what it took to ask for a lift when yesterday the person seemed independent.
Until fickle flares of rheumatoid arthritis sapped stamina, I failed to understand why a faithful parishioner promised to do something, but called at the last minute to cancel out or on several occasions did not come – or his chagrin.
Until diabetic blood sugar fluctuations muddied cognitive functioning, burst emotions, or knocked the stuffing out of me, I did not fully comprehend how a person could be fine one moment and border chaos the next – or know the vulnerability that engenders.
Until my body began to age, I could not fully grasp how susceptible older persons with disabilities might be to spiritual wound, humiliation, and societal attitudes of ageism, let alone the energy spent on everyday tasks.
I still cannot appreciate how one with hearing loss feels when never certain if what was heard is what was spoken – or the subsequent reticence to participate in conversations.
Humiliation is as stealthy and subtle as dust entering a house. It comes from outside a Person with Disabilities (PWD). However, attitudinal humiliation from others experienced in a fragile moment can turn inward. As self-humiliation, it clogs the spirit with life-defeating feelings of shame, failure, lack of dignity, and shaky self-worth or self-respect.
Persons with disabilities abound in our church communities. To nourish the understanding of wholeness and wellness is part of our Can-Do as a church.
All persons can be agents of affirmation and strength. First, let us talk with each other about our situations. It heartens when persons having courage to visit about their lives find common experiences. This may bring spontaneous brainstorming of ideas and a deeper sharing about attitudes of and toward PWDs.
Often others give little thought to the imagination and creativity of PWDs. While aware of another’s disability, we can perceive first the whole person and relate as one might with a left or right-handed individual. When others drop the presumption that I am unable to do something, I feel accepted.
We can avoid avoiding PWDs, thereby weighting loneliness. We can avoid assuming that we understand how another’s disability is for that individual, even if we share that disability.
We can avoid mushing the “You do so well” that italicizes disabilities rather than gifts. We can assist where needed as unceremoniously as one would open a door for anyone with arms full. We can attend to our tone of voice, noting an edge of impatience before it speaks aloud or checking a voice tone that is solicitous rather than as one speaks with an equal.
Being for each other is a gift of our life-giving communities that declares that all are wanted by and acceptable to God.
Reading the Signs is a can-do forum about accessibility for the whole church family edited by the Rev. Dee Brauninger, First Congregational UCC, Burwell, Nebraska
