Written by Patricia Williams-Long Franklin
Invocation
Wonderful and generous God, you created us in your image. Thank you. Help us to live into your hopes and trust. Help us to be somebody in your image even when we are ordinary people going about our lives. Help us in the time of trial and in the times of joy and all the in-between times. We ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.
1 CHRONICLES 4:9, 10
THE NAME JABEZ MEANS pain or sorrow. Is it just possible that he was less than perfect in appearance, presentation, or had some other form of “disability”? During the times of Jabez, names were representative of the “man” and hopes and aspirations of the parent for the child. You’ve no doubt heard of the boy named Sue? Now, here is the boy named Pain, for Jabez was born in sorrow.
To label someone as Pain or Sorrow is to attach some form of stigma, an unseen shackle. Was I born in pain? At the age of two, my grandmother dyed my hair with coffee grinds because I had “ugly white folks red hair,” the color of corn silk. She loved me and, to this day, I love her. My mother supported me but could not protect me during years when I needed her most. She did the best with what she had, which in this lifetime has to be enough.
I was the “stepchild” in every sense of the word from the day of birth. If not the step grandchild, then the child with the stepfather, step aunts, step cousins, never really belonging. Years of feeling like a “nobody,” something unacceptable, outside the norm, was survivable only by creating a world within a world, the place I lived. I created myself strong.
January 1988, an automobile accident left me unable to work. Two years and a myriad of doctors later, I was finally diagnosed with something called fibromyalgia and reflex sympathetic dystrophy. Did not matter what the cause, I was an achiever, and I would beat this thing. I spent years in different pain management, traditional and nontraditional therapy programs, refusing to learn about the diseases or read any insurance policies, because nothing would impede my mind-set of being healed and returning to the career I’d worked so hard to acquire.
This was my independence and self worth. If you can truly claim independence, then work, vacation, romance, lifestyle, and so on, are all subordinate. Losing was not in my comprehension; after all, I had obtained a B.S. degree in 2 1/2 years, graduated with honors, was recruited by top CPA firms, become a successful businesswoman and, best of all, raised, with God’s help, a beautiful person in the form of a son. I did not physically recover! My world came crashing in on me.
No more work, golf, tennis, sitting, and walking at will, independence was gone. Worse yet, I now had to leave my world established in childhood, the one that trusted God and Christ and relied solely on me. I now had to allow others inside my inner being and had to learn to stop playing and living with the real world but actually to live within it.
I had to learn to discard and forgive all the childhood traumas. This was accomplished by allowing others to really see and help me. I had to learn that accepting help does not always carry a debt of one’s soul.
I learned to really feel and express love and grief, not just think it. There was now a recognizable difference. I learned to grieve the death of my pre-accident life as well as that of my daughter a quarter century before. I learned that my imaginary, childhood developed friend Sheila, whose name I called in times of trouble, not knowing why, was God.
When my independence as I knew it was taken, I thought my life was not worth living. What else could be worse? Well, my brother, who was really my best friend, and my mother’s deaths were after my injury and, thank God, that the inevitable occurrences were during my mental recovery. It was during this time, so-called dying time, spent with my brother and mother, that I experienced and shared the love and understanding of both. Yes, lives have been taken. Three of those lives, mother, brother, and daughter, have been relocated and the other, mine, has been renewed through the love of God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit.
No, it is not the life I planned, prepared for, and wanted. It is life! Two people during my early adulthood told me the same thing-“God’s got plans for you. God has snatched you away from death’s door many times. God has definite plans for you:’ Well God, here I am, I’ll do whatever you desire.
Most times, I do not look disabled-no crutches or a wheelchair. Now, I bed rest several hours per day; some days I don’t function at all, and the pain never ever ceases. Commitments are always tentative, based on the functioning of my body, mind, vision, and pain level. I look for the blessings that I now consider an entitlement. God has blessed me along God’s path. I am a “somebody,” a child of God who has time to hear the word.
When I was a child, step-grandfather used to sing a song in church: “Keep that mote out of your eye and I’ll try to keep it out of mine” (the only words I can remember). The mote removal is an achievable, ongoing struggle; we need only be perceptive. Appropriately, I need only look around and see the manifestation of the Jabez prayer. I was blessed by the birth of a grandson, a loving son, and the finding of new friends willing to accept my limitations along with theirs. I’ve learned who I am and the expansive capabilities of love. l say I have been blessed indeed.
My borders have been expanded beyond the ability to write and the awarding of a scholarship for a degree in biblical studies, resulting from “writing” an essay in competition. I’ve been able to hear the emissary of God speak to me and provide comfort.
I wrote and read my first published composition, an obituary and poem for my brother. My brother is now a member of God’s heavenly orchestra. I heard the music and accepted the consolation. Ronnie is forever with me, and my mother with both of us. I have a family, friends, a home, acquaintances, fellow Christians, and the Holy Trinity. I am blessed indeed!
Suggested Hymns
“Glory, Glory Hallelujah” 2 TNCH “Bless God, O My Soul” 549 TNCH
Reflection Questions
1. There is a message here in the scripture. In the midst of naming the members of the family of Judah, the authors of Chronicles felt the need to tell us about Jabez in verses nine and ten, and then it’s back to naming the family members. Jabez is not spoken of again. Why do you think he warranted such a diversion?
2. What role do negative thoughts and names play in your day-to-day life? Try this exercise. On a piece of paper, folded in half, think of and write down one word that describes the worst events of your day. Now, on the bottom half, think of and write down one word that describes the best events of your day. Open the page, look at both words and decide which one you want to describe you and why. Find a Bible verse(s) that supports and provides supplement to your “you;” for example, Psalm 121.
3. Have you spent time with you? Try using imagery: Turn on some music, some without the distracting interruptions of a disc jockey, sit or lie down, now think of something or a picture that you like. Go there in your mind. If you practice this, you will be able to do it quicker. You may find it to be very relaxing and can be beneficial in stress and pain relief and/or just spending time with God.
4. What does it mean to be “a child of God”? a person with disabilities? someone in pain?
Women’s Mosaic Series 2002
UCC Women’s Resource
Margaret (Peg) Slater, Editor